There was a man and his wife and they had just had a fight so they decided not to talk to each other so for about a week they had just been writing notes to each other. One night the husband writes a note to his wife saying "Hey honey, can you wake me up at 6:30 tomorrow for work?". His wife writes back "sure". The man wakes up the next day and looks at the clock and its 8:30 and yells(breaking his vow of silence)"How come you didn't wake me up?!?". His wife says "I did", and points to a note beside the bed saying "Time to wake up!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
This one has more of a religous tone to it:

God and Moses were having a talk about how heaven was getting to crowded. They decided that to get into heaven, you must have had a bad last day on earth. Moses walks up to the first person in line from earth and tells him the new rule and the guy replies "I had a terrible day! I came home and saw a pair of shoes outside my door so I thought that someone was robbing me , so I came in and saw a man sitting on my porch drinking some coffee. I pushed him off the ledge and then, to make sure, I threw my fridge on him, but my leg got tangled up in the cord and I fall to my death."
Moses says "Thats horrible! Your allowed in".

Moses walks up to the next perosn and tells them the rule and the man says, "My day sucked! I was quietly drinking coffee on my porch when a mad man runs in and pushed me off a ledge. Then throws a FRIDGE on me!" Moses cries "Thats terrible. Come on it".

Moses walks up to the next person and explains the rule and the man says "Get this...I was in the fridge when.....

I have to say I like the second one the best.

__________________
-Rob Putt - Blog!
CompuForums Secondary Administrator
+ Download the CompuForums Thread Viewer!
+ Add yourself to the Member Map!
+ Be sure that you are up-to-date with the rules.
+ Still Not A Member? Register Now!
+ Contact Us
+ Email Me! - rob at compuforums dot org
+ipHideAway - Unfilter Anything Anywhere! Anonamize your surfing today!!

Okay, so...uh...where are the funny jokes? I've been waiting for them... Kidding--that too was a joke. Wow, that was lame, but I had to...

__________________
AMD Athlon 64 X2 4400+ (@2.6 GHz)
2x1GB OCZ Spec. Ops. PC3200
ASRock Dual939-SATA2
Antec TruePower 550 watt PSU
80 GB Seagate Barracuda SATA 7200 rpm
300 GB Seagate Barracuda SATA 7200 rpm
120 GB Maxtor ATA/133 7200 rpm
ATI Radeon x1950 Pro

yeah, i saw this one before.

__________________
http://img126.imageshack.us/img126/5...foxblue4yw.gif

Nice Jokes!! O.k. so here's my joke:
A taxi driver dies and goes to heaven and when he gets there they put on him a crown and gold robes and he was walked thrigh the city. Then a minister comes and they let him with no so much as a word of thanks, he says "Hey, why did you give the taxi driver such a big honor and me nothing?" St.Peter replies, "While you preached people slept when he drove people prayed". LOL hope you like it

That's a good one.
Thanks,
George Bitar

good ones

Can I post Chuck Norris facts here?? I have plenty off the top of my head.

__________________
Try Smoking Cigars With Your Mother, Or Vice-Versa!

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z...thcompusig.png

^^^There are about 1000 of those in the Premium Members forum, 99.9% of them are lame

__________________

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic -- anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his
wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the
third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.



They were M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. (What were you thinking?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
if there is anyone from arkansas here... i do apologise, i didnt write the joke!!!

After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.
The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Arky said to the doctor "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me." So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas.

This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

__________________


my blog - (its a work in progress!) http://mandylou87.spaces.live.com/

God created the dog and said:

"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone
who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty
years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and
I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.


God then created the monkey and said:
"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.
For this, I'll give you a twenty year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to
perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed.



Then, God created the cow and said:
"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the
sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family.

For this, I will give you a life span of sixty Years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty
years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.


God then created man and said:

"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty
years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the
forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave
back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.

And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and
bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

__________________





Welcome to CompuForums!
Please read the Rules before posting.
If you have any problems with a post or member, Notify me!

here are a few ons i got via email

>>
>>This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which
>>appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.
>>
>>
>> Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at
>>
>> disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers,
>>
>> who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash &
>>valuables,
>>
>>were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.
>>
>>
>> The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they
>>found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the
>>bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit
>>to eat."
>>
>>
>>
>>The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained
>> nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes
>> were opened.
>>
>>
>>
>>They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an
>>ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of
>>pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving
>>with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.
>>
>>
>>
>>The newspaper headline read:
>>
>>IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS
>>
>>MORNING...
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _________________



A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left and re turned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"


The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

OMG GROOOOSSS EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! i think this is the only thing that will fit...

This one is for everyone who ...
a) has kids, b) had kids, c) was a kid,

d) knows a kid , e) is going to have kids.

I guess that means all of us!!

DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS ...

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this", and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in
my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them.



Went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed
staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, What happened to my booger!?

__________________





Welcome to CompuForums!
Please read the Rules before posting.
If you have any problems with a post or member, Notify me!

moar ibleach plz, k thanks.